Finally, glorious summer has arrived here and we start having fun again. Chuck sometimes brings me bouquets of wild flowers. On hot days we sit in the creek together. We have a bonfire almost every night. We hike in the woods. We play Scrabble and Cribbage. I'm very happy.
He sometimes puts music on, that same mix he always plays. I like it, but he will only listen to that certain group of songs, over and over again. He is not interested in hearing anything new. He doesn't even like to listen to the radio.
Since he still refused to come into the house, instead he would come over and sit on the south side of the sun porch with me. There's windows that run the entire 15-foot length of the porch, affording a beautiful view. We would sit and talk for hours about our plans for the future, things we could do with the property, businesses we could start here.
Sometimes we would ride to the edges of the property, in his truck, and hike around enjoying the wilderness. There were always a number of animal tracks to look at and talk about. Then he showed me the raspberry bushes. Oh my, I have my own fruit. I got on the internet and learned all about wild berries. Later I discovered I also have blueberries.
Neither of us has a television so I spent a lot of time listening to public radio, which I really enjoy. I learned so much about the country's history and the people and government. I believe public, non-commercial radio is a true blessing.
Ellen starts coming over on weekends; she's got a job now at the nursing home. The three of us sit around the fire and drink and talk and have fabulous times. One night we start talking about Alzheimer's and I talk about my mom who is now in a nursing home for that reason. It makes me so sad and I wish I could bring her here to be with me as I know she would love being out in nature. Of course, that's not even remotely possible. We also agree, Ellen and I, that should either of us be stricken with it, we would rather take our own lives than go through the ravages of that horrible disease.
Chuck thinks his mom might have it because when he went to his dad's funeral, afterwards, everyone gathered at a restaurant and had a meal, and then everyone was presented with a bill for their own food, even though his mom was quite wealthy. He said he'd never heard of such a thing and Ellen and I had to agree. He had told me many things about his mom over the years. His two brothers despised her. She was, apparently, very cold to them as children. She sounded pretty awful to me.
One beautiful night in July, Chuck and I were sitting outside. We'd had a few beers and he took my hand, looked deeply into my eyes and said, “Please promise you will always be my friend.”
“Oh, of course I will, Chuck. You know I love you. I would do anything for you.”
“I'm not sure I can ever say I love you to anyone again. But I would still be willing to marry you, that way you can stay here all the time.”
“Did you just ask me to marry you?”
“Yes, and I swear I will.”
There are no words to describe how happy I was that night. Or the next day when I called Ellen to tell her. She insisted on being my maid of honor, and I said of course. I wanted to have a private ceremony here, by the creek. Bernie would probably want to be best man. Then we'd have a huge party, set up a bunch of tables outside with food and beer and wine and invite all our friends. I have a little stereo we could set up for music.
I went out that day and added his name to the mailbox, right next to mine. I still remember how giddy I felt, doing that. At last, we are a team. When one door closes, another opens. I am living proof of that. You just have to trust in the higher power, and all things will work out, in the end.
I started searching online for someone who would come out to perform the ceremony. I also had to find out what sort of paperwork would be involved to make this happen. Turns out I had to get a special form from a lawyer, since Chuck and I had both been married before, in different countries. First we would fill out the marriage license application and take it, along with all the paperwork from our previous marriages, to be sent off with a letter from a lawyer saying we were both truly no longer married to someone else and then we would receive a letter of permission from the state.
Chuck signed the license application and agreed to let the lawyer pull his divorce records. Then he told me,” Since you're going to find out about this anyway, I might as well tell you first. My divorce was granted on the basis of abuse. But I only hit her once.”
“What does that mean, exactly?”
“After she told me she was leaving me, one night I asked if we could go out to dinner and talk. Then we went back to the house and ended up having sex. Afterward she said to me that the only reason I wanted to be with her that night was to fuck her. So I slapped her.
“I immediately realized I had done a terrible thing, so I got up and went to the guest room. She never spoke to me again after that. Then she filed the divorce papers based on abuse and she got her way. My lawyer was worthless and did nothing to defend me. I lost everything.”
I told him if he ever hit me he'd end up missing a hand. I will not tolerate that from anyone. Was that really the only time he had ever done that?
“Yes! Well, no. There was one other time, back when I was 15. I had a friend who was a girl. We were walking home from school one day and I told her about this other girl I wanted to go out with. My friend said that girl was a slut. So I slapped her.
“I realized right away that I had done a bad thing. I apologized but she never spoke to me after that, and I resolved I would never do that again.”
“Yet, you did do it again, later.”
“Yes, I admit that. But now I really understand how terrible it is to hit a woman. I couldn't live with myself if I ever did it again. I swear.”
So, off I went to meet with the lawyer and turn over all the paperwork, plus $500. I was told it could take a few months to hear anything back. A letter would come in the mail. I then explained all this to Chuck and he told me not to tell anyone about it. He didn't want anything to mess up his welfare status.
I told him, “Well, once we're married you won't have to be on welfare anymore. I have enough money to support us for a couple of years and then I'll be able to get a job here. And I will. I'll work, you stay home and take care of the property. It will be a perfect situation. Trust me, we can do this.”
August came and I should have gone back to my country then, but I didn't. I was having too much fun and was so busy with making plans. Plus I got a letter saying the marriage application was missing certain forms and I had to dig that all out again and resubmit it. So I really needed to stay here and keep on top of that process. Meanwhile, we were the happy little couple, me in the house and he in his 13-foot trailer.
He had to stay in the trailer because of the welfare thing again. He told me that if anyone found out he was living in my house, or even if we were having any sort of relationship, they would cut him off. Our relationship had to appear to be one of business only. We couldn't even be seen in town together.
In September he called to say, “There is this 18-foot trailer for sale in the want ads. I'm online with the guy right now. He emailed me pictures and it looks real good and it sure would be great to have. We could take it to go on trips. Besides, we can be married but you know we both need our own space so this would be perfect. I'll park it right next to your door so it will be just like having a whole 'nother wing of the house. Plus, we can live in it while we're doing renovations on the house.
“It's only $1,000 and if you buy it for me, I will pay you back. When I do stuff for you, instead of paying me $20 and hour you give me $10 and the other $10 can go to pay off the loan. Plus, it's a 3-hour drive from here and since it's fall it would be a great road trip for us, lots of beautiful scenery. Should I tell him we'll be there tomorrow?” Oh, he does know how to play me.
So we went, we got it, and it was a fun trip. We went in Chuck's truck since it has a towing hitch. After we acquired the trailer we stopped in Northview to buy the wood stove Chuck was sure would be perfect for me. I paid for the gas since this trip was all about buying things for me. We also drove by Bernie's to tell him our good news, but his truck wasn't there. We figured he was still out camping somewhere.
As soon as we got back, Chuck immediately went to work getting the new trailer all set up as permanent housing. Instead of putting it next to my door, he parked it over by his other trailer, about 30 yards from the house. He told me he was too tired to try to back it up into position. We could do that later.
He installed five electric baseboard heaters that he got from the dump. He put an old wood stove that the Clines gave him next to the trailer and built a little lean-to over it. It seemed to be a good setup.
So, then we would cook and eat together, and spend evenings playing board games in the trailer. We would go to bed together in the bed at the back end of the trailer. We slept in the spoon position, with me in the back. I would give him massages to help him relax. Since I'm an experienced masseuse, he certainly seemed to enjoy that. We would sleep for a while until he started getting restless, then I would crawl over him as gently as possible, whispering words of love. I would lightly kiss his forehead and say goodnight, then walk back over to the house. I loved those walks under the stars. Sometimes I didn't even bother putting my clothes back on.
We never actually had sex there, never have. He couldn't. I didn't mind, though. We liked to just hold and touch each other. That seemed to be working fine for both of us old folks. Until the night I touched his face, while he was sleeping.
He woke up screaming. “What are you trying to do?”
I said I was just brushing his hair away from his mouth so he wouldn't swallow it.
He told me, “Don't ever touch my face or my throat. I sometimes have nightmares about someone trying to strangle me. I think it might be my mother. She never wanted to have children and she always went blind for awhile after each of us was born. She never showed any of us any sort of affection so it makes me very uncomfortable now when someone does.”
“Well, Chuck, I do love you and I believe that in time you will come to understand that. I will respect your wish to not be touched. I'll just keep telling you how much I love and appreciate you. I promise. Is it okay to keep giving you back rubs?”
“Well, yeah, that's okay.”
