As usual, Chuck just keeps on spouting his venom. He knows I can see these.
July 04
That's my landlady, an illegal in my country, town and life . .
Took her 2 years to finally get me to live on her property, now kicking me out because I refuse to marry her to maker "legal"
Four years it took me to figure out her lack of empathy for the rest of her species
Uses people, then throws them away.
In five years that I have known her, I've seen no communication from her family and friends
She "charmed" me with promises of employment and a place to stay "forever"
"Forever" lasted about 8 months, and she has thwarted my attempts to even move away by increasing my living costs - interfering with friendships of decades, and disconnecting power- hard to even have a proper diet without a fridge/freezer.
In my 58 years of living, I have been taken advantage of many times, as I tend to treat every person on "face" value - not judge them by their sex, race, religion, work history, whatever.
She is definitely the worst human I have known in my whole life.
One thing though, she has guaranteed that she will be forever remembered.
Right up there with Gee Dubya
ponder that
July 10
Long story short -
I'm now living in a trailer on the same property - no electricity, no running water - and she either poaches my friends, or scares them away.
I remember MANY times in our initial conversations, on the web, and on the phone of disconnecting with her for my perception of inconsideration -
that's a polite word
insanity would be a better one.
I should have trusted my instincts 5 years ago -
heck I'm 59 years old
I never hung up or disconnected on ANYBODY before her
but sociopaths are masters of deception.
I remember a young girl of 14 that I was dating when I was 15 years old.
She said "Chuck- you're gonna have a hard life You're too gullible"
I wonder if she had any idea how right she was
Sociopath's are very good at making problems seem "Your fault"
At 59 - I'm surprised I got fooled - well,. I was 54 at the time - the people I introduced her to to try to make her a part of the community are no longer MY friends.
"possession" is part of a sociopath's personality
they don't like to "share"
By this time I had leaned all about a condition called narcissistic personality disorder, npd for short. Now, there are many websites about this horrible disorder and all the things that have happened to people who get in relationships with these types, so I'm not going to try to reinvent the wheel. My hope here is that someone will read this and recognize the behavior, then take appropriate steps to protect themselves. Or maybe someone has already been devastated by such a relationship and will find some helpful information about how to survive afterward.
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance and belief there is nothing they cannot do. Believe they are special, unique, and therefore misunderstood.
- They require excessive admiration. If you don't give it to them, you are not worth their time.
- A sense of entitlement. They think, “I know I'm right, I don't care what anyone else thinks!”
- Selfishly take advantage of others to achieve their own ends. “You’re just lucky I chose you.”
- Lack empathy.
- Often envious of others or believe that others are envious of them.
- Show arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes.
Many people describe the eyes of a narcissist when he is in a rage, swearing they seem to turn black. Other times, they just seem to be flat and empty, like there is not actually a living being behind them.
They frequently employ a type of control called gaslighting. They deny having conversations you know occurred. They turn conversations into never-ending arguments that seem to go around in circles, until you finally just give up. Nothing is resolved and the arguments become more and more frequent, and more and more confusing.
I had some problems with my well pump one time and I asked him for help. He had installed it for me a few years prior. He spent about 5 minutes and got it working again and asked me for $20. He took it and went home, then came back 10 minutes later and started yelling and accusing me of stealing plumbing parts from him. I had no idea what he was talking about. I don't “do” plumbing and hadn't been down in the basement since the pump installation. Evidently he left some things there at the time. I tried to explain that and told him to take whatever he thought was his. But he just told me I was delusional and then he stormed away.
Narcissistic personality disorder is believed to be brought about by parents who do not value their children, so the children have to create their own reality in order to cope; then they never grow out of it. It's very sad, really. Once they grow up there is no pill or therapy available to make this go away. Plus there's the fact that since they think they are perfect, there's no way they will ever admit that they need help. They might admit they are a little depressed or something and get a bit of therapy, but in no time at all they are cured and back to being their perfect selves.
A personality disorder is not the same as a mental illness. A mental illness (schizophrenia, for instance) can be treated, with varying degrees of success, with medications and/or therapy. Most mental illnesses are caused by brain cell synaptic disruptions, which are believed to be genetic in origin. I've read about many people who are bipolar and as long as they take their meds, their symptoms subside and they feel and act relatively normal.
A personality disorder, on the other hand, is all pervasive. The DSM-IV describes a personality disorder as “an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectation of the individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment.”
Having a relationship with a narcissist eventually starts to feel like you have been hit by an emotional truck. You find yourself flat on the ground with tire tracks across your heart and shattered glass in your finger tips. The hardest part is realizing you saw the driver of that truck; it was someone you thought you could trust with your life. And he never even gave you a backward glance as he drove away.
The only way to get your wheels back on the track now after being derailed is to stop ALL contact with him. Unfortunately, if you still have to live on the same property, or share child support, you're going to have to do a whole lot of inner work.
The first thing I found that really helped was to learn to have an attitude of gratitude. Initially, you just have to just start saying this to yourself first thing every morning and repeat it throughout the day: “I have an attitude of gratitude.” Then you will find you actually start practicing it. I was grateful for my friends, I was grateful for the food on my plate, I was grateful to be living in such a beautiful place.
Slowly but surely the brain fog will start to clear and you will feel a little better. When you start to feel better, you see that things really are better. From the Love Fraud website (Thanks for telling me about it, Chuck. I got a lot of good advice there.): “What happens when you focus on peace and joy? It reduces your stress, which deactivates your fight or flight response, which allows your body’s natural healing capacity to do its job."
So, I find joy in looking at the sun shining on my frosty windows, making them glint with red and blue. I find joy in looking at the pristine snow outside, sparkling in the sunlight. I find great joy in gardening. I find joy in opening my eyes at night and seeing stars out my window. I have volunteered several times to work at the nursing home when Ellen needed help with some special project. That always gives me joy. I even enjoy chopping and carrying wood. My life is full and it is good.
Another thing I learned is to stop "thinking" i. e., employing logic. Logic just doesn't apply when dealing with a narcissist. Thinking about what's happened will just tie your brain in knots.
Instead, I started meditating. This is what I do: I wake up very early and can see the sky out the window at the head of my bed. I confront the proposition that I can now either lie here and let thoughts about my situation nag at me, or I can choose what to think. I choose to think about my breath, going in, going out. If my thoughts start to wander, I look out at the sky again and concentrate on my breathing. Next, I consciously ask my guardian angels, whoever or whatever they might be, to guide me on my path. Then I get up and go about my day, chopping wood, carrying water.
When the work day is done, I meditate again. People use different body positions for meditation; one of my favorites is the walking position. I walk from window to window, filling my eyes with the glory of nature. Or I go out and walk among the trees. I do not think about things past or future, I consider only where I am right now and what that feels like.
At long last, I feel at peace with myself. I even manage to feel compassion for Chuck. I know he cannot help being what he is. Thankfully, now I also know WHAT he is and that he is to be avoided, forever.
