Chapter 18

News about illegal immigrants had started showing up all the time now, stirring some heated online debates. Here are some posts from Chuck.

Jan. 18

I helped ONE -

just ONE to get themselves illegally into my country

and she has fucked up my life beyond belief.

Jan. 20

yeah - I got one up here I gotta send back

Feb. 28

Interesting phrase, "Sociopaths watch and study real humans " - took me over 4 years to realize that someone close to me does NOT react to logic/reasoning like most of us

I've studied sociopaths for only a few months now, but realize there is only one solution to deal with my own personal situation

have no contact

the lying and stealing still continue,

but I am working towards a solution where this person will no longer be in my environment -

ummm - LEGAL solution I should stress . .

and interesting resource for information and comments on sociopaths I found is at lovefraud.com

One comment I read in there is that one of the safest ways to deal with sociopaths is to treat them like an alien

which in some sort way they ARE

I've also read there is NO CURE for these kind of people - and one's best bet is to JUST GET AWAY

I'm reminiscent of a song called "Man Eater" - "She'll chew you up and spit you out"

Well, in my 58 years, I've never met anyone that fits the bill like this one does

Man eater? I really did have to laugh at that one. Honey, you clearly have no clue what being chewed up and spit out looks like.

I got my electric bill for January: $600. February was $700. In March it dropped to $550.

March 4

I helped a sociopath to get into my country, now she is ruining my life

And I can't believe that my "friends" are still calling her a "nice old lady"

There is a REASON that she came here illegally - they don't get it . .

March 10

Subject: Someone was arrested at a protest and posted about their jail experience.

Last time I was involved with the cops, I refused to talk with them unless they provided me with a lawyer for the 4 hours they held me in lockup

Despite having over 500 bucks in cash, and a fast-food place across the road, and numerous requests and willingness to pay for some food, they refused to feed me

In case it's not apparent, he's talking about the night he was arrested for beating the window out of my house. I'm delusional? No one replied to that post. 

April. I see Chuck walk out to the creek, which is totally against the rules. He had told me to stay away from his yard and he's been told him to stay out of mine. So I take some deep breaths and march out to confront him. There's a piece of carpet out there to keep the entry clear to the little trail that goes down to the creek. He picks it up, shakes it off, puts it back in place. Looked like a sign of peace, or at least a “let's talk,' to me. We really do have to learn to live together here, after all, for the time being. Besides, he's supposed to replace my window. 

 

So, I thank him for shaking the rug and mention what a strange and harsh winter it has been. We discuss the weather for a bit, then it starts to lightly rain. He says he loves the rain and it's warm enough now to be out in it. I agree.

Then it starts to rain really hard, so we run over to his greenhouse, laughing. He offers me a beer. Waves of relief are rushing over me. We talk about summer coming and gardening. I tell him how much I have missed him and worried about him. He tells me that he has been quite ill; something is wrong with his stomach. He is quite sure that it is brought on by the stress of his situation here.

I offer that perhaps his problem is actually mental, and caused by his mother. He replies, “Oh, my mom's not so bad.”

I say I have been pretty stressed out, too. Having a window beaten out of my house is one of the more stressful things I've ever had to deal with.

“I didn't beat the window out, Maria. All I did was knock on the door too hard and the glass broke.”

“Oookay, well, I am very sorry that you have all this stress. I certainly don't want you to 

be ill. It can so easily be remedied, you know. All I ask from you is that you pay for your electricity.”

“Don't even go there, Maria.”

With a sharp intake of breath, I said, “I guess there is nothing else to be said then.” I looked into his eyes and thought, “Fish eyes. It's like looking into dead fish eyes. Empty.” I turned around and walked away.

He called out, “Hey, you forgot to tell me how much you love me.”

Chapter 24

I just found out that Chuck is in trouble with the police. A couple of months ago he quit driving his truck and started taking a bicycle to town. I have now learned from friends that he had thousands of dollars worth of traffic tickets outstanding and they finally caught up with him. He doesn't seem concerned about it though. Evidently he won't go to jail over it because there just isn't enough room in jails now. They will just let him pay it off however he can. So he wins again.

I have continued my online studies and believe that Chuck has now advanced from a personality disorder into full blow psychosis.

Martha Stout, a clinical psychology instructor at Harvard Medical School and author of The Sociopath Next Door, says psychopathy is an utter lack of conscience. Sociopaths have one, but it’s full of holes and works on their own set of rules. Narcissists have one, too, but are so self-interested it’s hard to tell. "What distinguishes [psychopaths] from the rest of us is an utterly empty hole in the psyche, where there should be the most evolved of all humanizing functions," she says.

 

In real life, psychopaths can only be diagnosed by professionals. But, say the experts, there are a few clues.

• Pity play: Psychopaths play on people's sympathy because we are compassionate and believe they deserve it. "Consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behaviour with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person’s forehead as you will ever be given," says Martha Stout, a clinical psychology instructor at Harvard Medical School.

• Manipulative: “Psychopaths love to make people jump, even if it’s not to their benefit," says Stout. "If you’re left wondering why, or thinking there was no sense in what happened, that’s a red flag."

• Parasitic: Whether they use charm and manipulation or the pity play to meet their needs, "they prefer living off the work of others rather than their own efforts," says Robert Hare in Vancouver, a world authority on psychopathy.

• Deceitful: Big or little, deception is a tool of their trade. "Their lies are always woven with a thread of truth," warns Hare, "which, if questioned, they indignantly point out in their own defense."

• Charming: Compelling and charismatic, psychopaths are mesmerizing, like predators before the kill.

• Conceited: Psychopaths "think they’re the next step in evolution," says Hare, and they let it show with arrogance, boasting and undermining those around them.

• Not to blame: Not only do they never accept culpability, but psychopaths will also manufacture proof that puts others at fault.

• Reactionary: When it suits them, psychopaths can mask their anger, but will also "overreact in response to perceived personal insults or insufficient demonstration of respect for their authority," explains Hare.

If you know a psychopath you may think your love will cure him. Let it go. Psychopaths are untreatable. "People have a hard time getting their heads around that," says Donna Anderson, a U.S. journalist who launched www.lovefraud.com to educate the public after her husband lied and defrauded her of $227,000. I guess I should be glad I only lost a couple thousand.